counting my blessings: there are many.

we got up today to a beautiful morning. a true, it's-really-spring morning, sunny, incredibly warm, that made me open windows immediately and skip about the house - well, at least in my head i did, we all know i'm not that much of a morning person. it gave me a mad craving for a citrus dessert, as cheerful as the weather. i poured a cup of coffee, gave zhara her milk and made some waffles. i was having trouble deciding if i should clean the house and bake bread or dump it all and just go for a walk in the forest preserve. that's when the phone rang. my husband called, using someone else's phone, to tell me there had been an accident. he's fine. but he did not sound fine. my sunny disposition evaporated, knees made out of playdough, i told him i was on my way. oh, god, please. the prayer of all wives, even a wife without a god. his phone had shattered, so i grabbed an older one we hadn't tossed. i had so many questions, but he could only talk for a minute. he had borrowed a phone from someone, and i could hear the clammoring of cops? doctors? in the background. never before have i resented every single car on the road like i did today. i wanted to roll down my window and shout. i'm a bit uncomfortable recalling how the speed limit signs were blurring past, seeing i had zhara in the back. though it's not even close to how fast i used to drive, before i had her. it was never supposed to be him, the one to get in an accident. he's the calm, patient one. he's the one who drives for a living. i couldn't believe it happened, really, all winter long i worry about ice on the road and blizzards and today? seriously?

i got there. it happened, allright. all 18 wheels up in the air. cabin smashed, windshield crushed some 15 feet away. our livelihood a big blob of scrape metal on the side of the road. him, whole. thank god, not a scratch. it could have been so much worse. he was transporting a big coil of industrial chain. luckily the whole thing went down on a ramp, and when the coil got loose it rolled off onto the empty patch in between the two highways. and not in the traffic behind. it could've been disastrous.

it's been hours, but clearly i need a shot of get-it-together-you-damn-fool in the coffee i'm drinking, cause i can't stop obssesing about might've happened. if his seatbealt weren't buckled. if other cars were closer. this week we were going to finally launch our own business. we only needed some numbers from the DOT, we had a charter almost set up, we've been working so long for this. this is not a setback, it's possibly a deal-breaker. and still. he got away intact. we're all healthy. we're not in haiti. we'll be fine.

i drove back, zhara singing 'twinkle, twinkle little star' all the way home. i asked her if she wanted to bake with mommy, for what else could i do? she was enthuziastic as always. we also made a quick risotto while the apple cake was baking. she's such a blessing.

unvelibable! onion has a fever!

if you're as indispensible to your resident as i am to mine, you can cheat on the constant stirring. let it simmer covered instead. no one will know. or care. follow the recipe for risotto milanese, but add the chicken broth right away, bring to boil and after 10 minutes of simmering, add frozen soybeans; after another 5, the asparagus and 1 tb chopped sage.

the asparagus needs 3 to 5 minutes, depending on its thickness, then stir in the cheese and you're done. meanwhile panfry a few sage leafs, 30 seconds, if that, don't carbonize it. serve at once, with a few leafs on top. maybe skip those on the doctor's plate.

the cake really is amazing, i've made this a lot since seeing it at smitten kitchen, it's very moist and the outside gets almost caramelized. wondrous, but the dessert to restore my appetite today has yet ot be invented. so i don't have a picture of a slice, or not a slice of the one i made today. it will probably go to my neighbours, but baking it has calmed me, to way it always does.

these were taken last september? october? or around there; zhara had a grand time stealing cake, she was walking around on her tippy toes trying to look innocent, with crumbs everywhere around her mouth and on her shirt.